Loopy Bus Lady

Upper West Side

East 14th Street

I should have paid attention to the signs.

You see all kinds of people when using mass transit.  One time while riding the N train a guy wearing a pinstripe suit and carrying the Financial Times got on and sat across from me.  I didn't think much of it until I saw that he was reading the paper really fast, especially when you consider that he was holding the paper upside down.  That required a second look, which is when I noticed that his pinstriped pants were frayed and dirty near the cuffs and worn over a second pair of dress pants.

A few days ago I was riding a bus when a young woman gets on and sits next to me.  She didn't smell, she looked clean, and as far as I could see wasn't wearing multiple pairs of pants.  I went back to reading the paper. 

Then she starts talking to me.  I wasn't sure if she had misread the directions and drank two bottles of cough syrup instead of two teaspoons or if she was a total lunatic.  She was certainly loopy.

Some people, strangers, bother her.  When strangers bother her she gets angry and wants to hit them with a frying pan.  Other people, friends, get her frustrated.  When her friends, it seemed one friend in particular, frustrate her she wants to hit them with a frying pan as well, only not as hard as she wants to hit the strangers who anger her (and, I assume, with an aluminum pan vs. a cast iron pan).  She then closely parsed the meanings of frustration and anger, complete with a repeat of the "some people make me angry and some people get me frustrated" story. 

I notice her right arm and clenched fist are moving back and forth. 

"This is the frying pan" she notices me noticing. 

I look around for an empty seat.

She must have seen my discomfort because she changes the subject.  She has a new camera and a livejournal page.  I did not ask for the address but perhaps I should have. 

Back to the main topic at hand.  Some people make her angry and others get her frustrated.  When that happens she wants to hit them with a frying pan.  Back and forth, back and forth with the arm and the clenched fist and the imaginary frying pan. 

Did I mention the giggling?  She was giggling like this woman in the classic Reefer Madness.  I don't think the violent episode with the man in that same scene is any coincidence.  Combine those two characters and you get the crazy bus lady.

"By the way," she charmingly asks (and I should say despite the violent, repetitive threats she was quite charming), "Weren't you going to show me around Red Hook?"

"Uh," I was unsure whether saying no would anger her, and, knowing full well what she wanted to do to strangers who anger her, I took a chance on a non-sequitur "do you like Indian food?" 

Yes, I know that's a strange response but I was fearful of my physical well-being.

"No, the spices upset my stomach."

Whew!

"That's too bad because Red Hook is all Indian restaurants." (In truth there are few restaurants in Red Hook, let alone an Indian one).

She stands up to get off the bus.  It's my stop too, so I let her exit before me so I can head in the direction opposite the one she is going.

"Bye!"  She cheerily shouted out me.  "Have a nice day!"

Comments

[erika]

hilarious!